Old Skool Los Angeles: When Everybody Did the Hustle

The Hustle was a line dance popular in Los Angeles (and across the country) in the mid-seventies. Music producer, Van McCoy came up with a song to go with the dance, and "The Hustle" made it to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 the week of July 26, 1975.

However, 'hustling' or 'doing the hustle' was more than just a song and dance in L.A.'s working class neighborhoods in those days. It was also a way of life, and hustling was a term commonly used to describe doing whatever it took to bring in additional income. Today, we would call it being entrepreneurial.

Watching the Ice Melt in the Kool-Aid: Or, How I Learned to Eat My Vegetables

Sometimes I wish I could talk to the parents I had as a kid and ask them to explain their rationale for some of their parenting decisions back then. Dad is gone. Mom is still around, but today she's just a sweet little old lady who dotes on her grandchildren. Definitely not the 'she-wolf' I grew up with. (Sorry mom, but you were pretty intense in those days.)

One question I would ask them is this: what was the point of making a thirsty child eat their vegetables before drinking that watery Kool-Aid you served with dinner every night?

Parenting Old-School: Did Yesteryear's Parents Get it Right?

By the time I reached sixteen, I came to the conclusion that my mother knew precious little about anything of importance. It seemed to me at the time that her sole purpose in life was to make mine a living nightmare by endlessly displaying to me her total lack of knowledge. She had opinions on everything and felt compelled to share them with me. At sixteen, I decided it was my duty to let this woman know that I was tired of hearing her voice. 

"The Look" – A Mother's Weapon

Like many adult children, I sometimes look back at my mother and lament over all of her child-rearing 'mistakes.' (Not as much now that I have children of my own.) Nevertheless, I must give her credit for making my brother and I respect her -- particularly her time.

She is much shorter than I am, but I have never felt 'bigger than my mother.' Not in height or anything else. Sure, I've probably had more opportunities and experiences, but I pale in comparison to her in many ways. Today, the world probably sees her as a little old lady, but I still feel she could 'take me out' in a second. And, she wouldn't have to resort to violence. You see, my mother's weapon of choice is The Look.

My mother was (and still is) an expert at giving The Look. It seems that as a child, any time I'd even think about acting up in her presence, her eyes were on me with The Look. Especially in church. I'd sit there fidgeting or, heaven forbid, talking to friends, and slowly she would turn her head toward me and give it to me.... that stern glare that said, "One more move and I'll kill you!" (At least that's how I interpreted it.) I've tried The Look on my kids but it doesn't seem to work. "Mom, why are you making that funny face?" is usually the response I get.

Years ago, there were times when I would linger a little too long with friends after school in front of Dorsey High, knowing that my mom was waiting. On the days she would pick me up, she would get there early and park right in front of the school so I could see her as soon as I walked out. She knew I could see her and she'd give me about a minute to say my goodbyes before I'd get The Look, which said, "Don't make me have to get out of this car and come get you."

Again... I've tried this with my kids as I wait in the hot sun for them outside of their schools and watch them slowly stroll to the car. You would think my daughter is a celebrity the way she exits the school... acknowledging each and every friend...stopping to chat with them...giving a slight wave to those far away..... friends she will see the next day!! In the meantime, I am seething in the car and trying to give her The Look because I know she sees me! Finally, she makes it to the car and the little brat has the nerve to say, "Have you been waiting long?"

Guess I need some lessons from my mom!


First published by Huffington Post on May 6, 2011

The Perfect Mate

Recent revelations of another 'Husband Gone Wild' have many wondering if there is indeed a perfect union anywhere. I don't know about others, but I can tell you that many years ago, I was fortunate enough to have the perfect mate! 

I was twelve-years-old at the time and new to Bret Harte Junior High School on Hoover Street in South L.A. Today, they call it middle or intermediate school, but in those days (1968-1970) it was junior high, and encompassed seventh, eighth, and ninth grades.  It was a different world for me in many ways, not the least of which was the increased interest in romance and dating.  It seemed many girls, including my friends, were intent on claiming some unsuspecting boy as their boyfriend.

I guess I was a late bloomer, because at the time I still found boys disgusting.  I'd much rather spend time with my Barbie dolls (although I could never tell my friends this).  Nevertheless, it soon became apparent that -- according to the junior high code -- not having a romantic interest was considered abnormal.  There was only one thing I could do to fit in -- I decided to invent a boyfriend!

'Stanley' was the perfect guy.  He was older and lived in a different neighborhood, which explained why no one at school ever saw him. (It's not hard to pull the wool over the eyes of Jr. high girls.)  Stanley was understanding, kind, patient, handsome and smart. And while the other girls struggled to get the attention of the guys they liked, my Stanley adored me!  I regaled my friends with stories of all the nice things he did for me.  Pure fiction, but it worked! 

I 'went with' Stanley all through seventh grade, but by eighth grade I had to have his family move out of town. The ruse became too hard to pull off by then. Of course, we stayed loyal to each other.  It was the perfect arrangement for me.  I had a 'boyfriend' and could still play with my Barbies!

As I got older, I discovered there were certain benefits to dating a real-life guy, not the least of which was that I could take him out in public.  However, I also learned that no guy could measure up to Stanley.  Fortunately, I learned this at an early age.  Some people go a lifetime without learning it.

I would not advise young girls to make up boyfriends, but I would tell them to try to stay away from schmucks when it comes to relationships. Also, I would hope they have a line in the sand that keeps out mates who abuse or humiliate them, or have no qualms about subjecting them to outside kids, or worse yet... HIV/AIDS!

Nevertheless, perfection -- as desirable as it may be -- is unrealistic and unattainable. At least in the real world.

Bret Harte friends with their 'boyfriends.'  1969

Lessons from Dad -- Learned, and Not Learned!

My dad was not my biological father.

As a matter of fact, I didn't meet my dad until I was 9 years old, although he knew me as an infant and was my godfather (another story, another time).  My parents divorced when I was small, and I only saw my real father occasionally. I was happy when my mom married this nice man who moved us from Oakland to Los Angeles, where he had a TV repair shop off LaBrea.

He was my dad from day one and never treated me as anything but his child. I appreciate everything he did for me...the time he invested in me, and the things he tried to teach me.  Some I listened to...some I didn't, but I can now admit...he was right about everything!  Read on....

10 Things Dad Taught Me (that I listened to)

1. Always keep your car in working order.
2. Take the time to set the table before you eat.
3. 2 or 3 good friends are better than 20 phony ones.
4. Never date a guy who won't meet your family.
5. If you invite someone to your house, have food.
6. Show up at family get-togethers, even if it's for a little while.
7. Your mom may not always make sense to you, but respect her anyway--she's still your mom.
8. Always have your OWN money.
9. Let your children know they are loved.
10. Marry a guy who respects and adores you.

10 Things Dad Taught Me (that I WISH I had listened to)

Dad circa 1968.

1. You don't need more than 1 or 2 credit cards.
2. A phone call should never take over 20 minutes.
3. Always have carfare (or airfare) to get home.
4. Don't change jobs just for more money.
5. Check the expiration dates on your food items.
6. You can't do everything at once, prioritize.
7. You will wear yourself out if you burn the candle at both ends.
8. Worry never solves anything.
9. When you cook, fix enough for more than 1 day.
10. Take the time to read directions.

Thanks Dad.  Miss you.

In Remembrance

To: Berman Frank,   

               

In remembrance of a father, it took a long time for me to know,

I wasn't there to be your daughter, You weren't there to watch me grow;

For all the years we spent apart, it sometimes made me sad,

That although you were my father, I could never call you Dad;

But, I rejoice today for the years we spent, catching up and moving on,

We accepted that so much had passed, and could not be undone;

And I've finally come to realize, although it's taken me awhile,

That you'll always be my father, and I'll always be your child;

Now it's time for me to say good-bye, and to mourn all that will not be;

And to say I'm so thankful...so very grateful,

for your blood that runs through me.

(Linnie Frank Bailey, August 1995)